


I’m Glad I Didn’t Die Before I Met You

by lamergirl



Series: Smosh Writing Week 2019 [5]
Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Smosh Writing Week 2019, SmoshWritingWeek2019, SmoshWritingWeek2019 - Day 6, does not go into too much detail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 07:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20004616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamergirl/pseuds/lamergirl
Summary: It was one of those things that, had he been able to see 5 years in the future, he never would have even considered it. Then again that was usually the case with attempted suicide. Most of those people didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of them felt there would never be a light or that the light was so far it wasn’t worth reaching for.Back when Damien was in 8th grade he didn’t believe that light even existed.





	I’m Glad I Didn’t Die Before I Met You

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I know I missed day 5  
> (If you care why: https://smoshjames.tumblr.com/post/186587913859/soooooo-i-didnt-post-a-story-yesterday-listen )

It was one of those things that, had he been able to see 5 years in the future, he never would have even considered it. Then again that was usually the case with attempted suicide. Most of those people didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of them felt there would never be light or that the light was so far it wasn’t worth reaching for.

Back when Damien was in 8th grade he didn’t believe that light even existed.

He didn’t even like to think about any of middle school really. It was filled with a lot of bullying and fighting parents and not a lot of fun. He tried to end his life over Christmas break. His mom found the empty bottle and called 911 before he even passed out. He spent Christmas Day in the psych ward and they sent him home from the hospital 3 days later.

His parents tried to talk about it a lot, but he just kept his mouth shut. When the break was over his parents sent him back to school and most kids kept away from him because a rumor spread that he had done something far braver and less cowardly then he had actually done.

His parents divorced after graduation and he left with his mother, so Damien got to start high school in an entirely different state.

High school was better.

There was not much he could do about the bad depression and anxiety that followed him there, but drama club helped. And he graduated high school in much better shape than he had entered it.

College was a scary but exciting next step. But not as scary and exciting as meeting his new roommate turned out to be.

He knew Shayne’s name from the room assignment email but didn’t really know what to infer from that name. Shayne Topp. Not overly unique, not overly common, just there.

Shayne himself did not fit that description.

When Damien walked in their room for the first time Shayne was faced away from the door. Reaching up high to put some sort of small bin on top of the shelf on the side of the room he had claimed. He was wearing a white tank top that rose up to show some of his lower back as he reached to push the bin into place. Some of his blonde hair stuck to the back of his neck with sweat, the same sweat that made the very defined muscles on his arms and shoulder glisten with the light coming out of their shared window.

He was sort of stopped in his tracks where he stood, one box under his right arm and the handle of his suitcase in the other. Almost mesmerized by the sight in front of him. He remembered to speak as Shayne climbed off the chair he had been standing on. “Hey, you must be Shayne.”

Finally standing on the ground, Shayne turned to see who spoke and as he turned a warm smile grew on his face, one that made butterflies appear in Damien’s stomach. “And you must be Damien” he held out his hand for a shake and Damien stood up his suitcase so he could shake his hand. “By the way, if you don’t mind me asking, how do you pronounce your last name? Ever since my sister read your name over my shoulder while snooping, she had been telling her friends I’m rooming with a Hass avocado and I’m not sure that’s right.”

Damien laughed at that a laugh so loud that it made himself conscious, “actually it’s pronounced hasshole”

Shayne laughed at that, and boy was his laugh addicting, the way he repeated what Damien has said in the middle of his laugh made Damien laugh right along with him. When the laughter died down Damien actually answered him “it’s pronounced Haas.”

“Do you need help pronouncing my last name? Most people don’t get it.” Shayne joked and Damien didn’t miss a beat.

“Well those people are stupid, clearly T O P P spells ‘little bitch’ “

They spent the rest of the afternoon cracking jokes, getting to know each other and laughing till the cried, only stopping when Damien’s mom came up to give him his last 2 boxes he had forgotten in the car.

They even traveled down together to have dinner at the cafeteria.

Things were surprisingly so easy to talk about with Shayne, they talked like they had been friends for years even though they had met that afternoon.

The game of 20 questions started as almost a joke. They were sitting on their respective beds that night, which was still close enough to have a normal volume conversation, and Shayne had brought up the sort of cliché way that his sister told him to get to know his new roommate. You just go back and forth asking the other questions that the other person has to answer. Shayne explained that he had told his sister that that was just normal healthy conversation, but she had argued that it gives the conversation more structure or something. It had been Damien who said it wouldn’t hurt, even though the two of them had been talking almost nonstop since they had met.

Shayne had asked the first question, something about what meaning the last name Hasshole had, and that pretty much defined the first 10 or so questions asked, ridiculously. After that, they started asking questions that actually taught them about each other. Shayne asked Damien if he had siblings, he had none. Damien asked Shayne what he liked to do in his free time, reading or video games.

Now that it was Shayne’s turn, he paused for a second thinking about what he could ask. When the question pops in his head the expression on his face made Damien nervous for reasons he didn’t quite know. “What’s your sexuality?”

Damien thinks about his answer for a second. “I think I might be pan. I never really thought about it all that much. I mean that label is not that important to me but I’m pretty open.” Damien had answered honestly, and Shayne had nodded with understanding. “What about you?” he asked curiously.

“Is that your question?”

“Yes, Shayne, that’s my question,” Damien rolled his eyes.

“I’m gay,” Shayne said simply, in the way that showed he had done a lot of thinking about who he was and was confident in that label. Wow, being comfortable in how you identify about literally anything, what was that like?

Shayne kissed him that night.

They had been standing on Damien’s side, looking at something in Damien’s desk. It wasn’t long or drawn out, just lips pressed together for like 5 seconds before Shayne pulled away and apologized and got into his own bed, not allowing Damien to properly react.

When Damien got into bed, he intended on thinking about what the kiss could mean. He realized something he wishes he had realized way before. Why dedicate time to thinking about it? All he would do would be overthinking it. The next morning, he would decide at the moment what he wanted, he would trust his gut for the first time in his life.

The next morning, he kissed Shayne.

They had gotten dressed and decided to go get breakfast. Shayne was clearly nervous and as they were about to leave Damien stopped him and started to ramble. It apologized for kissing Damien, explained that he had probably ready the situation and that they could just forget that any of that had happened. Damien didn’t let him finish talking. He interrupted him kissing him briefly before opening the door, “Just shut up so we can go and get breakfast.”

If you had told 13-year-old Damien he was gonna make it to a place where he was more or less stable, going to a great school, and rooming with a great boyfriend, he would have nodded along, thinking about how that was entirely bullshit.

But the truth was, as hard as all of that was to get through, he was glad he stayed alive long enough to meet Shayne.

Sure, people always say ‘You should live for yourself’ and they aren’t wrong. But that’s the ultimate goal, and not completely attainable all the time. As long as he was living for Shayne at least he was living, and maybe even loving himself a little more too.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know, any comments at all absolutely give me the motivation to write. So whether you have nothing new to say except that you love a new chapter, you have some criticism, or you have a suggestion, please let me know! Your involvement means the world to me!  
> (Also Follow my smosh blog on Tumblr @smoshjames)


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